ThinkCritical.eu · Manipulation atlas
Flawed argumentsGaslighting
Denying what demonstrably happened or was said until the other person doubts their own memory.
The manipulator repeatedly denies what they demonstrably said or did and questions your memory and judgement. Over time you may start to trust them more than yourself.
A colleague reminds her boss that he moved the deadline to Friday. The boss: “I never said that, you've remembered it wrong. You've been mixing a lot of things up lately.” Yet the new deadline is in his own email from Tuesday.
How to spot it
- “That never happened”, “you're making it up”, “you've got it wrong” – even when you have proof.
- Your memory or state of mind is called into question: “you're oversensitive”, “you're imagining things”.
- It keeps happening and you doubt yourself more and more.
How to check and what to do
- Find the email, message or minutes – facts take priority over impressions.
- Get important agreements confirmed in writing.
- Describe the situation to someone you trust and ask how they see it.
- Keep short dated notes: what happened and who said what.
Tip: If it keeps happening at work, talk to HR or your trade union. If it happens in a relationship and you feel unsafe, contact a helpline for people experiencing abuse in your country; in an emergency call 112 (in Europe) or your local emergency number.
Full explanation and exercises:
thinkcritical.eu/en/manipulation-atlas/gaslighting